Repress Yourself

Tired of paying hundreds of dollars in therapy? Fed up with prescription pill addictions and office furniture couch-sores? Has your psychologist stopped seeing you since you made a pass at him? Or maybe you're an amateur analyst and are looking for a chance to gain experience as an advice columnist. Bloggers: substitute these posts for therapy sessions and readers: comment away.

07 July 2006

A New Professor at The School of Pussy Break Ups

I realize its been like, months since I've posted here. And last time I was talking about really looking forward to having someone in my life, of the boyfriend variety. Now 4 months into my latest relationship it sort of ended exactly the way I suspected it might when it started only with an added layer of passive-agressive breakup icing on the fucked up cake. I've already spoken about this type of P-A bullshit breakup before, and I realize the more I talk about this, the crazier it makes me appear, but I swear, I'm (don't laugh) fairly low maintenance. I ask for a few things from my friends and dates: don't lie to me, and don't treat me like shit. I'm pretty understanding about all the rest.

And yet here I am, getting the weird circular speech of "it's not you, it's me" with an added "It's not that I don't want to date you, it's just that I'm suuuuper busy right now..." and the always terrifying "but I still totally wanna hang out."

Yeah. That sounds great. I want to hang out with you about as much as I want to hang out with Hitler and AIDS. I'd sooner go back and re-live my sophomore year of high school than spend an evening in your company right now.

And it's not so much the breakup that is upsetting - I was considering it myself, and looking at it objectively, you probably did me a favor. I would have put up with a lot more annoying BS before I finally got around to breaking up. But it was the ultra patronizing tone you took when you weasled your way out of things. And the paper thin excuses and meaningless babbling on... and your awesome attempts to spare my feelings, as you assumed I must be so totally crushed... Oh! And when you used that cutesy voice to say, "I'm still your friend..."?!!! Um, first my pride threw up on my ego. Then I just closed my eyes and imagined pushing you down. Really hard. Twice.

I'm not bitter. I'm irritated. And I'm mostly mad at myself for not listening to me when I said four months ago, "this is not a good idea." So don't worry your pretty fucking face about whether or not "I'm mad at you." I'm pretty busy being mad at me right now.