Repress Yourself

Tired of paying hundreds of dollars in therapy? Fed up with prescription pill addictions and office furniture couch-sores? Has your psychologist stopped seeing you since you made a pass at him? Or maybe you're an amateur analyst and are looking for a chance to gain experience as an advice columnist. Bloggers: substitute these posts for therapy sessions and readers: comment away.

12 April 2005

Red beans and rice didn't miss her

Saturday afternoon I decided I didn't know enough sports trivia. So I watched and memorized CBS's "25 Greatest College Basketball Players." I really studied and practiced listing them in order. During commercial breaks I would re-list them in my head, even recite them out loud, while imagining different scenarios in which I might be able to insert this newly acquired info into conversation. I imagined the faces of those who know me, shocked that I could even name ONE college basketball player, let alone 25 greats.

Similarly, about five years ago I had a sudden panic that I might one day be challenged to recite the lyrics to "Baby Got Back," so I listened over and over until I had memorized the entire song. It hasn't come up yet, but I think I could still pull it off in a pinch.

For the record: Julius "Dr. J." Irving, John Havlichek, Isiah Thomas, Elgin Baylor, Danny Manning, David "the Admiral" Robinson, Ralph Sampson, Akeem Olajuwon, Christian Laettner, Elvin Hayes, Tim Duncan, Jerry Lucas, Bill Bradley, David Thompson, Patrick Ewing, Michael Jordan, Jerry West, Wilt Chamberlain, "Pistol" Pete Maravich, Bill Russell, Earvin "Magic" Johnson, Oscar Robertson, Larry Bird, Bill Walton, and Lew Alcindor (aka Kareem Abdul-Jabbar).


At 4:36 PM, Blogger Claire said...

wait, so this is a problem? You're a genius! Walk into any sports bar and recite that and you have insta-husband.

At 4:41 PM, Blogger kittenpants said...

I suppose. But then I would probably have to watch the games.

At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Mr. Tabby said...

i think i bought an 'insta-husband' at crate and barrel last week.

At 7:47 PM, Blogger dog food sugar said...

All I do to show my faux mastery of sports is throw out strategic cliches at the right times.

For example in basketball when a player misses a free throw, be the first to say: "you've got to hit your free shots" with self-righteous disdain as you shake your head. All the boys will agree with your assessment.

You can get these phases by listening to what the announcers say before the game starts or during half-time.


Post a Comment

<< Home