Repress Yourself

Tired of paying hundreds of dollars in therapy? Fed up with prescription pill addictions and office furniture couch-sores? Has your psychologist stopped seeing you since you made a pass at him? Or maybe you're an amateur analyst and are looking for a chance to gain experience as an advice columnist. Bloggers: substitute these posts for therapy sessions and readers: comment away.

15 April 2005

Fix Me

Despite commenting on others, I've yet to post here. In order to catch up, here are some weird things about me that you can feel free to analyze and/or snicker at:
  • For most of my adolescent and teen years I compulsively counted syllables. Not like with numbers, but if someone was talking or I was watching TV, I would keep track of the syllables, usually by silently clicking my teeth together. "U" and "O" sounds got clicked on the right side of my mouth, while "I", "E" and "A" sounds got clicked on the left side. I thought that I'd discovered the secret to life, and if I ever lagged behind too much I'd die. Sometimes I still catch myself doing it.
  • I had a dream once that Christopher Walken gave me a blowjob. He somehow convinced me that it wasn't gay.
  • Until I was about 15, I was convinced my parents had hidden surveillance cameras around my house in order to catch me masturbating.


At 1:24 PM, Blogger kittenpants said...

I'm not sure I understand this counting syllables thing, but I am sure of this: it's gayer than any blowjob from Christopher Walken.

At 1:37 PM, Anonymous mr. tabby said...

one time i spent two hours walking around new york city looking for something to eat, and i was alone and if you looked at my face, you would be like, why is he so depressed and confused. you would've been frustrated with me.

At 1:53 PM, Anonymous mr. tabby said...

n+1 magazine just rejected my short story. i live at this website now. it's like my brain is something i hold in my hands, and i walk down the street holding it and sometimes i rub it like it's an orb, you know, to shine it, and my hand gets wet, and people are like, what are you doing, and i'm like, what are YOU doing.

At 11:10 AM, Anonymous Sherman said...

we should talk.


the oc


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